


The Turian Two-Step

by SifaShep



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, crew goes loopy, drell chocolate, valentine's day fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 15:28:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6334381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SifaShep/pseuds/SifaShep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drell chocolates wreck havoc on the Normandy. Waltzing Turians. Enough said. Takes place during ME2.</p>
<p>Crack!fic. Definitely. Happy V-Day! Enjoy! XD</p>
<p>(Written for Valentine's Dy 2016)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Turian Two-Step

Mess Sergeant Gardner crouched behind the dining table. Gabby Daniels flanked him on one side, Joker on the other. All of them kept a wary eye around the room.

“Think we’re safe for now?” Gabby whispered.

“I hope so,” Joker muttered. He glanced over at Gardner. “This is the last time we’re having Drell chocolate on board the Normandy.”

“It’s not my fault,” Gardner muttered. “I thought they were regular chocolates.”

Off-key singing echoed from the main battery, and Garrus stepped out. No, not stepped. Waltzed. Sort of. The Turian hadn’t eaten a single piece of the chocolates, but apparently, just handling one was enough to drive him loopy. Joker chuckled, hit the record button and pointed his omni-tool at him,

Garrus didn’t even notice.

“Oh, God,” Gardner muttered. “I thought the Shepard Shuffle was bad enough.”

“The Turian Two-Step?” Gabby suggested.

Joker laughed and said, “That sounds good.”

“For the love of God, girl, don’t give Joker ideas!”

Garrus two-stepped over to the medbay windows. Doctor Chakwas never shuttered them, at least, before now.  
“Hey! I need a dance partner! Doc, you interested? I’m out here all by m’self, y’know–”

Joker shook his head. “Uh, Garrus? Going in there right now might not be a good idea.”

Garrus paused a moment, his mandibles flared in surprise and confusion. There was an extra slurred timbre to his voice. “Why not?”

“‘Cause the good Doc’s givin’ a private consultation, if you know what I mean.”

“Office hours? With whom?” Garrus seemed even more confused.

Gardner groaned and hid his face in his hands. Gabby rolled her eyes and took pity on the clueless Turian. “Zaeed,” she explained.

Garrus paused, then gave a comical shrug. “Oh. Better not interrupt, then. Not worried about Massani…he’s a lotta hot air. It’s Chakwas who has the mean omni-scalpel.”

He wandered over to the cabinets behind Gardner’s station, humming some strange Turian military anthem under his breath. He tried to match his waltz to the tempo, but it really didn’t work.

“Hey, Chief, you got any dextro munchies here that won’t poison me?”

“Yeah, hang on. I wanna make sure you get something that won’t–ahem–disagree with your system.” Gardner went to the food lockers and Garrus sauntered after him.

Joker glanced at Gabby. “You could always hide in Engineering until this stuff wears off, you know.”

It was Gabby’s turn to cover her face with her hands. “I wish I could. The Boss is down there with Tali, Joker.”

Joker gave her a sympathetic look. “Okay, scratch that.”

“Can I hide in the pilot’s cabin with you?”

“That means going through the CIC. You don’t wanna go there either, trust me.”

“That bad?”

“When you have sixty people in a ship on a long space mission…what do you think’ll happen? Mordin’s gleefully passing out advice and instruction booklets left and right.”

“Okay, science lab is out too, then. Maybe we can hide out in the port cargo bay with Grunt.”

“That’s pretty bad if you’re willing to hide out with a Krogan.”

“I’m not hearing any other ideas–”

There was a yelp from the mess counter. Both Gabby and Joker whirled around to see poor Gardner stumble along with a waltz-crazed Garrus Vakarian, unable to do much but follow when the leader was a seven-foot Turian. Gabby all but collapsed with laughter.

Joker recorded every embarrassing moment on his omni-tool. “Well, if can’t beat ‘em, you might as well record ‘em.”


End file.
